you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
