she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
