You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
