Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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