so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
