Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
