I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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