I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
