you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
