I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
