I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
