I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
