I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What a dumb baby whore.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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