I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
