afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
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Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
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Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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