Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize