i'm signing you up for texting rehab
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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