my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
