your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
