gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
