Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
