Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
