and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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