I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
