hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
