i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
