She's JV to your varsity
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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