k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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