If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
