So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize