Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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