My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
