Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize