I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
