If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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