You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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