yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
