Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
