Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
