Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
