You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
