First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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