Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
