the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
