I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
