Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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