She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
