What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
