I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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