brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
