We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
