my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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