Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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