just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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