EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
