Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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