it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
