do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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