Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
