I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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