She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
