Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Come see our sink grown plant.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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