Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
