when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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