Umm I'm too high to move.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
