On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
