Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
