I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
