So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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