Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
